You say Goodbye; I say Hello

I wish I had never been born.

I hate you both.

I would rather be grounded for the week than go to camp.

What did I do to warrant such strong language from G-man, 13 year old extraordinaire?  I signed him up for camp.  Not labor camp, not concentration camp, not even academic camp...  UCC Southwest Conference Junior High Church camp.  In case you're just tuning in, the United Church of Christ is a very youth-friendly denomination.  Seeking, asking questions, challenging tradition - it's part of our DNA as a community of faith.  I'm not familiar with other conferences, but since UCC churches here are mostly smallish congregations and spread through 2 states, plus El Paso, TX, the youth of the conference grow up going to camp together and nurturing relationships with students and adult volunteers throughout the conference. 

Was I wrong to want this kind of formational experience for my child?

From the scene in beautiful, breezy downtown Prescott on Sunday afternoon, you would think so. 

My point in this rant (besides just wanting to share my parenting pain with you) is that this is one of those situations just not covered in parenting books.  When I was a young(er) mother, I was preoccupied with the hot topics... namely breastfeeding vs. formula; family bed vs. traditional crib; at-home parenting vs. working outside the home.  Now don't get me wrong; these are important decisions, some of which I feel quite strongly about.  But the real challenge of parenting is not the sleep deprivation that comes from nurturing an infant, but sleep deprivation of insomnia that comes from worrying that you're screwing up the kid's life. 

As we listened to the aforementioned comments coming from the rear seat of the mom-mobile, DH and I joked... could we go back in time circa 1995 and recommend to a certain young couple that they just get a dog?  Would they have listened?

It was just a joke; being a parent is incredibly rewarding.  But it has got me thinking today about the kinds of decisions that Discipline Magic! or Toddler Parenting for Morons just doesn't cover.

• The AAP recommends swimming lessons after age 4, but some mom friends swear by Infant Swim Rescue classes.  What's right for my water-shy preschooler?
• When kindergarten gets cut to a half-day, should I trim back our preschool schedule?  What's right for my inquisitive child?
• When are rated 'T' video games okay?  Should I restrict the younger children from watching?  What about video games at a friend's house?  What's right for my technology-minded teen?
• What's the right balance of gender-specific and gender-neutral toys?  How can I organize my children's belongings to encourage quality playtime?
• When should children begin household chores?  Should chores be tied to allowance or not?
• At what point should children make their own decision about clothing?  church attendance?  hair styles? 

What's right for my family?  How do I decide?  How do I sort out conflicting sources of parenting advice?

I pick up G-man Friday morning.  What awaits me?  If he has a great time, will my heavy-handed parenting be forgiven?  *SIGH*  All I know is that I miss him and hope he is having fun and making friends.  I do have some hope... a lovely older teenage girl from our congregation walked with him up to the junior high cabin which seemed to cheer him slightly.  I said goodbye to him and to a bit of my former parenting confidence.  He said hello to a week away from home, an unwelcome opportunity at the time, but a growing experience in any case.  Hello Goodbye... it's the story of parenting.

No answers today, gentle reader.  Just a space for your own rants (comments always welcome) and plenty of empathy.

 

Comments

[Susan M]

Don't worry, you can't screw up the kid's life so easily. :o) I once spent a treacherous, worry-filled seven days just knowing that my little girl spent every waking moment at camp dreaming up ways to never let me forget how evil I was for not paying the camp director my life's savings to get her into the earlier session that her best friends had just attended. The reality of her aloneness hit her like a brick when she recognized no one at registration. I cried most of the way home thinking of the angst on her face. Then, when I went to pick her up, I had to pry her away from her newfound friends, as they shared e-mail addresses and promised to try and sign up for the same cabin next year. Although I had prepared to apologize all the way home, I didn't get a word in edgewise as she chattered about her week. Never fear, your parenting instincts are still on track! :o)

[Gail Richter]

Boys aren't as verbal about their experiences as girls. For example: girls come home from the dance and tell you every little detail about the evening, but a boy will tell you it was OK and if really pressed might even say he had an all right time. Of course, that's not set in stone. It's just been my observation from the past 60+ years of my life. As for the G-man, someday he'll look back fondly at the week of camp even if he tells you the opposite when you go to pick him up.

[Donna Stepp]

Sometimes, as a parent, we just have to do what we think is best and pray that it turns out alright. Even if G-man doesn't admit to having fun, it will be a good experience for him. It's the first gentle cut on the "apron strings" and believe me it doesn't get any easier for the parents. I still miss my children. (Sorry for the sapppiness.)

[Karen Richter]

Thanks for the comments everyone. G would probably be mortified that I'm blogging about him (even anonymously), but I'll post on FB after we leave Prescott on Friday. I've had less laundry and fewer dirty cups & glasses this week, but we miss him.

[Dee Dee Allan]

Sorry I haven't been on in a while. Read this post and thought of all my many screw ups with my kids and think they've turned out pretty well, so don't beat yourself up over this, whether he has a good time or not it will be a growing experience for him. And as long as he knows you love him and aren't doing this to punish him or anything like that, he believes that you do what you do for the best of reasons, even if he disagrees, it will be ok in the end. But, the next few years will not be easy. Teenagers are hard - harder than infants or toddlers I think. But just do what you think is right and it will be okay. YOu're not going to ruin him. Your kids are great, each in their own unique way and they have great parents, so don't worry.