Intercession I Can Live With

Intercessory prayer (praying for another person) has always been a sticky subject for me.  Well, practically always.  When I was 20, my youngest cousin died after a long struggle with brain cancer.  He was three years old.  A three year old and a "long struggle?"  Yep, it was bad.  Of course lots of people were praying for him and his family.  It was a family-wide crisis of faith.  Praying with an outcome in mind gets wound up with all our ideas and struggles with God's omnipotence and goodness.  We get tangled into metaphysical pretzels... brain and heart overwhelmed and at cross-purposes.

I've seen people become smug and self-righteous when they feel that their prayers are answered affirmatively.  I've seen others lose their faith when their sincere and faithful prayers seem to fall on deaf ears.  I'm not sure which outcome is worse.

I solved this problem temporarily a few years back:  I stopped praying for other people.  This, as you might imagine, was less than satisfactory.  It's human nature to reach for God in times of trouble; intercession is natural.

Denise Roy has a satisfying little book, MOMfulness: Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion, and Grace.  The title has caused no small amount of eyerolling from G-man and certain secular friends who shall remain nameless, but I recommend the book for moms looking for a bit of peace in the chaos.  Roy recommends a practice called Lovingkindness Meditation.

May I be filled with lovingkindness
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

After repeating these phrases on behalf of yourself, Roy recommends that you call to mind your child or any loved one.  You can go through the day offering kindness and love to various people in your life.  Opening your heart to people keeps you grounded and present.

Here's my own version.  I call it spiderweb prayer.  As I'm lying in my bed, I think about people that I love.  In my mind's eye, I see my heart connected to others by glowing strands.  My visualization connects me in Arizona to DH's family in central Florida, to friends in middle Georgia, to my brother, sister, mother, friends, extended family up and down the east coast, and friends scattered through the country.  Coming back west, I call to mind families in my church and community going through tough times.  I don't 'ask' for anything.  If I'm not asleep already, I just finish with a sense of peace and a heart softened by concern for others.

What practice brings you peace?  Share... if you're feeling brave.

Comments

[Jim Martin]

The problem most people have with Intercessory Prayer is that they are trying to determine the outcome by specifically praying for a particular solution to the problem, i.e. physical healing instead of whatever healing God might have for the person in question. Healing comes in multiple ways and forms - physical, emotional, relational and the most complete healing - death - where there is no more crying or pain anymore. Intercessory Prayer is not really about reminding God of what God should do or not do, but laying bear the soul of the person being prayed for as well as yourself with all of your hopes and fears. Further, it is directing your energy towards the individual being prayed for - energy that can give them strength in a time of great physical and emotional need.

[Donna Stepp]

I have stopped asking for particular outcomes when I pray for others. Instead, I ask that they be surrounded with love (from God and other people) and that they be given the strength (physical, mental, emotional) to face whatever life has in store for them. I know from experience that it is uplifting to know that others are praying for you. I like the idea of your "spider" prayer. I think I will try to do that. I will also continue to pray for particular people when they are in special need of that "uplifting."

[Dee Dee Allan]

Like you said you did several years ago, I stopped praying for others as well. How arrogant of us to believe that our prayers can somehow sway God to heal this person, but that another person is not "worthy" of God's attention. I just could not make sense of this, so I stopped praying. My friends kept telling me I was wrong, that I should still pray, that sometimes God's healing comes in ways we don't understand (ultimate healing i.e.death, etc), that I'm denying the mystery of God, that God is bigger than my little human problems. Baloney I say! As the mother of said young cousin who died of brain cancer, I did plenty of praying as did hundreds, maybe thousands of other people. Was Robert healed? NO! Were our prayers not good enough? Had I sinned and not asked for forgiveness before praying? Did God need Robert in heaven? No, he had a horrible disease that modern medicine was unable to cure. That's it. Nothing supernatural. Just nature at her worst.
I do believe very much in sending out good thoughts to people who are in pain, having problems, sick or troubled. I do think that knowing that people care and are wishing the best for you can lift you up and give you strength. This is the benefit I receive from prayer.
If anyone wants to try to convince me I am wrong, have at it.

[Karen Richter]

Thanks for the comments everyone. Dee Dee, I felt a little arrogant myself, writing about Robert. So since I've already bitten off more than I can chew with this subject, I'll say more. It's been helpful to me to differentiate between 'curing,' which is purely physical and 'healing,' which is social/emotional/spiritual and sometimes physical. Ultimately, we will all be healed. Love you all - thanks for reading.