Two stories for tonight. It's a crazy crazy week here, but I'm feeling the need to capture somethings about vocation and calling.
First story is circa 1990. I'm a lazy good-for-nothing college student enjoying political theory (the only politics major in my year that loved the two required theory courses). In a small college, there was one political theory professor, Jeff Poelvoorde, quintessential absent-minded professor. In the midst of an advising session, he told me that I would someday make thinking my life's work. In my mind, this meant one thing: that I was meant to pursue a Ph.D. in politlcal theory and follow in Dr. P's steps. I did not get a Ph.D. in political theory and for a long, long time I thought this meant a failure of some kind.
We'll set this first story to the side and weave in the second story. When DH and I first got married, I worked at an automotive body shop (remember the whole failure thing? this was the absolute worst of that). The bright spots in this really wretched job were some really nice people. There was this one guy - he looked just like Mr. Clean with a handlebar mustache. Awesome. He delivered aftermarket (generic) bumpers and bumper covers to the shop about once a week. I would chat him up while waiting for someone to sign a check for bumpers. During these chats, I discovered that he was also a ballet dancer. He danced with a semi-professional company in Orlando. He got some good parts, he said, because he was strong enough to do lifts easily. Bumper guy? Ballet dancer? Both? I wish I could remember that dude's name. If I had been listening and paying attention, he had a lesson for me.
Tonight I was at a class about vocation. I was thinking about the twenty years between my talk with my professor and now. I'm at a good place. I see that Dr. P was right in part. I do make thinking (and writing and teaching) my life's work. It just looks very different than I imagined it then. I looked down at my notes for the class... What do people tell me I'm good at? What would I do if I could do anything? Two thoughts came to me unbidden: 1) MORE - do MORE and 2) get a housekeeper. It's a very good place.
Sometimes you do what you have to do to power your real passion.
Sometimes your calling arrives later than expected and wearing different clothes.
In either case, patience and kindness are the order of the day. Most especially, be patient and kind to yourself.